Acceptance is easy to talk about but difficult to adopt. We may have to accept the loss of our ability to do something very important to us perhaps or which we think we should easily be able to do. We may look fine and not have any obvious sign of disability or pain so others may quite reasonably presume we have a normal level of physical activity and treat us accordingly. So it is difficult to accept a loss of ability and the imagined interpretations in other people’s minds about what kind of person we are due to this. But only by moving towards an acceptance of our situation will we be able to leave the conflict aside and move forward.

There are many examples of how we must accept the present situation and the reality of how we are. Making changes to our ways of doing things can be a very useful strategy to move us closer to our desired goals. Often however people get stuck with a particular situation and have no other choices than acceptance or conflict. There are undesirable effects from fighting against the pain and we can release ourselves from the conflict by developing our ability to accept parts of our present state. We can then finally start to apply positive strategies to our problems and increase our chances of a good result.

Not accepting the situation means we cannot release ourselves from the conflict and can’t take on our or others’ suggestions for improvement. If I won’t give in to the pain or let people down by admitting I can’t do something then I won’t see why I should do things any differently or accept a lower standard of performance of the job. This way the route to making the necessary changes can be blocked, getting in the way of our progress towards where we want to be. If we say This is the reality of the situation and I have to work with that we can step forward and begin change.

The scripts we use, the words which we say to ourselves about our abilities or our desires, are important in how we act. They are often unconscious, these specific interpretations and ideas about ourselves. We might say My fitness is at a good level and I can manage social activities, sports and my life all together, which would be a good position to be in. If a person has a pain syndrome or low back problem their scripts will run in different ways such as My pain disables me and I don’t think it is ever going to improve so I won’t be enjoying any activities in the future. This is the underlying message a resigned person might have constructed for themselves.

However, very negative scripts, constantly going round and round in our minds, lead to negative thinking and depression. One approach is to consciously generate new scripts and an example of this might be Even though I do have a pain condition which limits my ability, if I manage my situation well I will be able to do many of the things I want to in a modified manner. This is a realistic description of the situation and more likely to lead to a realistic assessment of our situation and a more positive approach to any action which could be taken to improve it.

When our scripts describing ourselves are more realistic they are also more positive, though it is important not to generate unrealistic, rose-tinted scripts as they will be found out by us when we realise where we think we are is so far from reality. More positive scripts allow us to participate in the changes that we might want or that a health professional might suggest, ideas that previously were unacceptable due to our inability to recognise where we really were in terms of our physical or mental state.

We are more likely to choose adaptive solutions to our problems if we have our assessment of our situation close to the objective reality which others see. We can then stop the continually stressful pushing ourselves and ease off the pressure to some extent.

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